Of Fate and Angels Chapter 5

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Angel’s Rest: Of Fate and Angels

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Chapter 5

Mattie corners me as I enter the cafeteria with Mason and Maylene.

Darn-it.

“Can we talk a sec?” he asks eagerly.

I nod and force a lump down in my throat. Mason can’t save me from this one.

Mattie leads me out into the courtyard. I see Eliza and CJ eyeing us curiously from the lunch queue. Sorry Eliza.

My anxiety levels are rising dangerously. Does he have any idea how much I don’t need this right now?

Mattie takes my hands and looks at me expectantly. “Well? Take me back, Reilly. We’re good together.”

The thought of saying yes is repellant. It’s not that Mattie’s not good looking or whatever but there’s no way I could be with him like that anymore. I feel like an alien standing in front of him. He has no idea how different I am now.

“Mattie you’re with Eliza,” I say, tugging my hands out of his grip. He doesn’t release them.

“Screw Eliza,” he says.

“Mattie, don’t,” I say firmly, pulling at my hands again.

“You’re just goin’ through some stuff. You don’t know what you want. I get it, Reilly. I can help you. Let me be here for you,” he implores.

No he can’t. No one can. No one but Mason.

“It’s more than that Mattie. I’ve changed. I’m not the girl you liked before.”

He shakes his head. “You are. You just need time to learn who you are again.”

“No, Mattie. You don’t understand. This is irreversible.”

He grips my hands tighter. “You just need to be reminded of what we had,” he says softly.

He let’s go of my hands at last and in one, swift movement cups my head in his palms and presses his lips to mine.

Panic rises inside me and I shove his chest hard but he doesn’t let go.

He’s yanked away from me seconds later and I see Mason standing there gripping his shoulders. “That’s enough,” he growls at Mattie.

I wipe my lips with the back of my hand angrily.

“Who do you think you are? You don’t even know Reilly,” Mattie snaps.

“Trust me. I know her better than you do,” Mason says calmly.

Mattie shoulder barges past Mason and reenters the cafeteria. I run to Mason and he folds me into his arms.

“Oh, Mason, I can’t be here anymore,” I mumble into his chest. This is too much.

His embrace soothes me. He strokes my hair softly and my heartbeat returns to normal.

“You can make it to the end of the day,” he tells me and I believe him.

I step away and nod. We’re standing behind a pillar, out of sight of the cafeteria.

“You can have my salad?” he offers temptingly.

I laugh. “I suppose I can’t say no to that.”

***

I make it to the end of the day. Thankfully, Eliza didn’t find out what happened between me and Mattie. I saw them cuddling later in the day so I guess he’s decided to stay with her for now. Poor Eliza.

I sigh with relief as I leave school. I skipped the end of day registration, but that doesn’t count. I don’t wanna mingle with people on the walk home.

As I reach the end of the road I spot Mason leaning against the trunk of the acacia. His arms are folded and he’s eyeing me with interest. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me. Eliza sees someone mature, Mattie sees the girl I used to be, I reckon Maylene sees a guy stealing ho but what does Mason see?

He walks out from under the shade of the tree to meet me. I didn’t plan to meet him after school yet here he is like he knows where I’ll be before I do.

When he’s a few feet away I expect him to stop walking but he doesn’t. He approaches me and pulls me into a hug. My arms slip around his back instinctively. I can feel the muscles there through the light grey t-shirt he’s wearing. I make a sound of contentment in my throat. I think I could actually fall asleep here. The thought makes me smile and I step away before I’m literally lulled into sleep, standing in the middle of the street wrapped around Mason Gold.

“You made it,” he says.

I pump my fist sarcastically and he laughs.

He drapes his arm over my shoulder as we start walking. I was planning on going home but now I let Mason guide my feet. If he wants to take me home, great. If he wants to take me somewhere else, also great. I’m at ease.

“What do you see when you look at me?’ I ask curiously, gazing up at his dark eyes and focusing on the golden flecks in their sea of hazelnut.

His fingers tickle the bare skin on my arm.

He puts on a strong, southern accent when he speaks. “I see a perdy gurl all dressed up wid nowhere ta go.”

I laugh and it comes right from my chest. He smiles down at me, a glint of satisfaction in his eye.

“Well maybe you’ll take me two-steppin’, cowboy,” I say, envisioning the stetson on him once more.

“Maybe at the rodeo,” he says.

“If Maylene lets me borrow you again,” I say, looking away to conceal the smile on my lips.

“Borrow me? Is that what you think you’re doin’?”

I nod. “She likes you.”

“Baby, I’m all yours.”

He’s putting on the accent again but I don’t laugh this time. I grin though. It’s the darnedest grin because I can’t wipe it off of my face.

Mason walks me home. I want to be there but I don’t want him to leave. I wonder if Bobby’s home. I’d like Mason to meet Bobby, I think they’d get along.

“Come inside for a drink?” I offer.

“Just you try and stop me,” he says, smiling down at me. I like this side of Mason.

His arm is still on my shoulders and I’m turned into him. We’re very close.

I shrug out of his hold and walk up the porch steps. I hear him following as I open the door and enter. Mason closes the door behind him as he follows.

“Bobby?” I call out.

“Yes, sweetie pie?” he answers jokingly.

I giggle. “Bobby I brought home company. You’d better be decent.”

“Oh, did you now?” He appears out of the living room, topless, wearing his stetson and sipping on a beer. I guess he’s half decent.

“Nice to meet you, sir. I’m Mason Gold.” He walks toward Bobby and shakes his beer-free hand.

“Well nice to meet you too, Mason. And call me Bobby, none of that sir business.”

Mason nods.

“Beer?” Bobby offers.

We’re seventeen. Bobby still hasn’t quite learnt the rights and wrongs of parenthood.

“Sure,” Mason says with a shrug.

Bobby leads us out back to the small yard. A table and chairs are set up under an umbrella with Bobby’s beers stuck in a bucket of ice on the floor beside it.

“No work today Bobby?” I ask, eyeing the bucket.

“Mr Tully is mannin’ the store today. I suspect he’ll be handin’ in his notice soon. He’s movin’ to Indiana so I’m gettin’ the time off while I still can,” Bobby says, sitting in one of the chairs.

Mason and I join him and Bobby passes us each a beer. It’s shinerbock, good beer. I twist the cap off and chuck it onto the table. I take a sip, it’s cool and refreshing.

I remember Bobby giving me my first beer when I was fifteen. He’d bribed me with it for my silence after I saw him kissing the mailman’s wife. I’ll take that secret to the grave.

“So are you new in town?” Bobby asks. “I don’t recognise your name.”

Everyone knows everyone in Angel’s Rest.

“Yes, sir – er Bobby. I moved here from Dallas last week.”

Bobby places his bare feet on the table and I swat his legs with the back of my hand. “Don’t go actin’ like a hillbilly in front o’ guests.” I sound like my momma for a moment. I grin at him and he smiles back. I think he was reminded of her too.

“I hope your intentions are honourable towards my niece, Mason,” Bobby says, sipping on his beer again.

Mason takes a swig of his. “Nothin’ but.”

I know he means it. He doesn’t have eyes for me. He’s helping me.

“You goin’ to the rodeo on Saturday, Bobby?” I ask.

“Yes, ma’am. And guess who I’m takin’?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Cara Quentin?” I’d really like him to get with Miss Quentin.

“No, you kiddin’ me? Cara Quentin don’t have a soft spot for me. I’m takin’ Daisy Dwight.”

“Dizzy Daisy? Oh, Bobby you can do better than her,” I say disapprovingly. I don’t like to judge but Daisy’s been round the block more than once. But then I guess Bobby has too.

“Dizzy Daisy?” Mason asks, amused.

“If dumb was dirt, she’d cover an acre,” I say, swigging my beer.

“I don’t mind ’em dumb,” Bobby says, laughing loudly.

Mason grins at me and I roll my eyes. “Bobby Briar, you ain’t never gonna get married with that attitude,” I say.

“Married? Darlin’ I ain’t ever gettin’ married. How about you Mason, you see yourself settlin’ down some day?”

I narrow my eyes at Bobby.

“I highly doubt it,” Mason says as if he knows something we don’t.

“And why-ever not?” I ask, more sternly than I intend.

Bobby steps in before he can answer. “You said your intentions were honourable to my Reilly. I want her to have a husband someday. She deserves that.”

He’s talking like I’m not here. “Bobby, we ain’t together.”

Bobby raises his eyebrows and looks between the two of us. His reactions seem slow. I wonder how much he’s had to drink. “But you’re so-” he waves his hand at us like it’s self-explanatory.

I finish my beer and put it down on the table then look at Mason. He gazes back at me evenly. What are we so?

Bobby goes to fish another beer from the bucket but I lean over and pull it out of his reach.

“I think you’ve had enough, don’t you?” I give him a mock-stern look.

He shrugs then places his hat over his eyes. That’s the signal he’s out for the count. Night night, Bobby.

The cicadas are screaming as they wake to the dusk. I gesture for Mason to get up and we return to the house.

We sit side by side on the sofa in the lounge. The room is cool, Bobby has left the air conditioning on. I shiver. Mason gets up, turns it off then returns to the seat beside me. He drapes a cosy, knitted rug over me from the back of the sofa. He lifts his arm and I snuggle up under his wing. I’m a little bird once more.

Daddy would never have left me unattended with a boy in the house but Mason isn’t like other boys. He’s just Mason. He’s whatever I need him to be and, right now, he’s my blanket.

Of Fate and Angels Chapter 3

Missed Chapters 1 and 2?

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Angel’s Rest: Of Fate and Angels

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Chapter 3

The next day I dress for school. I must go back. Must, must, must.

I dress in a similar fashion to yesterday, choosing a red vest top and black shorts. I sling my satchel across my body and let out a deep, calming breath. I can do this.

I walk downstairs and enter the lounge. I take my purse out and pour all the change into my hand. I drop it into the piggy bank, hearing the chink of metal as each one falls inside. The knot in my stomach eases a bit. I take out the only bill I have which is a ten and push it through the slit into the piggy bank. There, that should make up for some lost time.

I return to the hall and find Bobby standing there, holding out a brown paper bag.

I smile and take it like I should.

I’ll go running today. After school. Or perhaps I won’t make a whole day. I’ll run as soon as I am done with school. I make the deal with myself.

“Perhaps you can try for two classes today?” Bobby suggests, smiling at me.

I smile back.

“I’m serious. One day at a time Reilly. You’re tryin’ and that’s all that matters. Don’t go listenin’ to that Mrs Whitehaven.”

“You’re a bad influence,” I say, pouting at him.

He grins at me and opens the door. I like the routine he’s started.

I make my way to school. I take my time. If I’m late, I’m late. They can’t be mad at the grieving girl who lost her parents.

I arrive ten minutes late and check my timetable as I enter through the front door. The receptionist smiles at me as I walk in. I nod to her and hurry down the corridor to the right.

Morning registration is taking place but I decide to miss it and get to class early. I have a science class first so I head towards the labs. The door’s locked so I can’t enter early.

I think of Mason. How does he read me so well? I blink in surprise as he appears around the corner.

“Missing registration? Tut tut,” I say. It’s more like my old self.

He grins as he approaches. Today he’s wearing jeans with a white, open-collar shirt. His tanned arms stand out against it and his dark hair contrasts starkly. He’s everything I used to find attractive in a guy but that part of me has long since shut off. It’s alien to me to feel that way about someone now.

“You’re a bad influence,” he says. I eye him curiously. That’s what I said to Bobby this morning.

“How can I influence you to miss registration before I’ve even seen you today?”

He grins. “You have your ways.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Is he stalking me? I should feel anything but what I do which is comforted.

He smiles like he knows a secret. I like it. Keep your secrets, mister, and I’ll keep mine.

“Did you go running yesterday?” he asks.

I did. I went after I stopped crying in front of Bobby. Poor Bobby. He’s taken on more than he can handle with me.

I nod. “Around the lake.” I feel like I’ve revealed something very personal about myself. But telling him is like telling myself. I know it won’t go beyond his ears.

“I haven’t been out to the lake yet. Perhaps you’ll show me sometime?”

“If you’d like.” I shrug.

“Will you go today?”

He’s not asking to come with me. If he wanted to come I think he’d just say so. “I’m gonna go when I’m done with school.”

“How long will you stay today do you think?”

He knows I don’t mean to stay. “As long as I can.”

He nods and leans against the wall. I lean beside him. He lifts his arm and puts it around my shoulders. I move into him and we stay that way in silence like we have a private understanding. But we don’t so why’s this okay? I should be running a mile from this guy who so boldly touches me. I want to ask him but the school bell rings loudly.

He removes his arm from my shoulders. I’m grateful because the last thing I need right now is people gossiping about Mason and me. I don’t even know him.

“What’s your surname?” I ask.

“Gold,” he replies.

Like the flecks in his eyes.

He doesn’t ask for mine. Perhaps he knows it. Perhaps he really is a stalker.

Mason doesn’t sit with me in class. My friends cluster around me and I don’t even attempt to join in with their mindless conversation about the school dance at the end of the year. I can’t think of anything less I’d like to attend. Perhaps my parents funeral again. I sadden after that thought.

“Who do you wanna go with CJ?” Maylene asks.

CJ bites her lip. “Jerry’s doin’ the rodeo this weekend. I thought I’d go and dress up real nice. Maybe he’ll ask me.”

I start listing golden things in my mind.

“Jerry sure is cute,” Eliza says. “We should all go to the rodeo together. We can try hook you up Maylene.”

Sunrises. Sunsets. Coins. Bullets. Rings.

Maylene blushes. “I’m kinda already crushin’.”

Sand. Autumn leaves. Wheat, barley, hay.

“Maylene,” CJ says, giggling. “Do tell.”

“I’m kinda into Mason.”

My head snaps up. Do I care? Does that bother me? No, I don’t think so. He’d be lucky to have Maylene as his girl, any boy would.

Eliza Beth is eyeing me suspiciously.

“Why don’t you ask him out?” I say to Maylene to stop Eliza from looking at me that way.

She nods eagerly. “Maybe he’ll come to the rodeo with me.”

I smile and nod. I want both of them to be happy. But some part of me doesn’t want Mason’s friendship taken away from me. I’m sure it won’t be.

I return to my work.

“You comin’ to the rodeo, Reilly?” Mattie asks.

I hesitate. I certainly wasn’t planning on going but maybe I should make more of an effort. I shrug.

“That’s a yes,” Eliza Beth says, patting the table in front of me excitedly.

I guess it is.

The next class is English. Miss Quentin is the teacher. She has long blonde hair and wears jeans and a white vest top. Bobby’s had a thing for her forever. She smiles kindly at me as I enter and I give her a slight nod. She was always my favourite teacher.

I head to the back of the room and Mason takes the seat beside me before anyone else can. The rest of my friends sit along from him. He’s a barrier between them and me. I can relax. I don’t have to pretend to be anything around him.

“Today we’ll be startin’ Romeo and Juliet, by William Shakespeare, of course,” Miss Quentin says. “I need a volunteer to hand out the scripts please.”

No one raises their hands so she glances around the room. “Er, Mason? Is it?”

He nods.

“Be a darlin’ would you?” she asks.

He stands and my heartbeat quickens. No, wait. He can’t leave me.

What’s happened to me? I’ve formed some sort of attachment to Mason. I grip the edge of the table and watch him go.

Eliza Beth is in the next seat down. She turns to me and smiles. She’s so sweet and kind why can’t I fall back into who I was, her closest friend. Has she lost something in me? How much did I mean to her?

“You okay?” she asks with a concerned expression.

The dreaded question. I could be honest, tell her no I’m tempted to get up, sprint from the room and never return to school again. But I can’t do that so I have to sit here, holding onto this table like it might float away if I let go. And apparently the only thing that doesn’t make me feel like that is a boy I just met yesterday.

“I’m fine.” I force a smile and she relaxes.

“How’s things at home?” she asks.

Why must she asks these probing questions? I know she’s just being polite but I can’t give her real answers. I can’t bear to talk about it. The fact that my home is broken. Or that Bobby sold his own place to come live with me, so his home is broken too. Or that we’re muddling along together trying to figure out how to move forward. He’s healing, I think. But I’m not. We’ve hit a t-junction where he went left and I went right.

“It’s alright, Liza. Bobby’s settled in real well,” I say.

She smiles. “Maybe I could pop over some time? Say hey to Bobby. We could have a girl’s night like old times?”

Girl’s night. The memories are so distant. Eliza would come over, we’d get the latest chick flick and watch it in my room while we painted our nails and talked about boys. It used to be so comforting. So normal. Now I can’t think of anything more unnatural. How can I sit there painting my nails when Momma and Daddy lie six feet under?

I grip the table tighter. I nod briefly to Eliza and turn away. I make a meal out of retrieving my notebook from my bag and when I glance back at her she’s talking to Mattie. I let out a slow breath through my lips as a script lands on the table in front of me. Mason returns to his seat beside me.

He looks at me and it’s like he’s looking straight through the wall I have up against everyone else. He can see that I’m hurting, crumbling, struggling and I don’t have to say a word.

Miss Quentin starts reading the story aloud and I turn to the first page to follow the words with my eyes.

I’ve never read the story before but I know the end, as most people do. I don’t like knowing that the characters are doomed before I’ve even begun reading it.

I feel calmed by Mason’s presence. I let the words wash over me and focus on his sturdy form in my periphery.

Miss Quentin reads for a while before writing quotes on the whiteboard for us to discuss. “Okay, choose one of these quotes and write down what you think Shakespeare was tryin’ to say with these words.”

I choose one that grabs my interest:

‘I fear, too early: for my mind misgives

Some consequence yet hanging in the stars

Shall bitterly begin his fearful date

With this night’s revels and expire the term

Of a despised life closed in my breast

By some vile forfeit of untimely death.’

Mason chooses the same quote, I see him jot it down in his notebook.

“What do you think it means?” Mason asks me, glancing at my own notes.

“I think Romeo had a bad feelin’ about Juliet from the start,” I say with a frown.

He smiles lightly. “Me too. I guess he loved her too much to stay away though.”

“He loves her before he’s even met her. Is that possible?” I wonder aloud. Do people see someone and just know they’re the one, whether they’ve spoken to them or not? Or is that just what romance stories tell us so we’re forever waiting whilst missing chances for something real?

“I think anything’s possible. Just maybe not probable,” Mason says thoughtfully.

“It implies destiny,” I say sadly. Were my parents destined to be together? And, if so, does that mean they were doomed to die from the start like Romeo and Juliet?

I squeeze my eyes shut. Too many unanswerable questions.

“It’s just a story,” Mason says in a soft voice. His hand slides over an inch to rest beside mine and his little finger grazes my own. The almost non-existent touch is surprisingly comforting. I glance up into his dark eyes and get the sudden urge to hug him. I almost laugh at the thought, me wrapping my arms around Mason Gold in the middle of our english class.

A smile tugs at one corner of his mouth almost like he knows what I’m thinking.

I turn back to the quote. “I guess it’s basically about fate and foreshadowing their death.”

“Uh huh,” he agrees.

I jot that down then chew the end of my pen. One more class and then lunchtime. As long as Mason’s beside me I can do this. He’s like my muse. I smile at the thought.

“What’s so funny?” he asks quietly.

“Nothin’.” I shrug. If only he knew just how much his presence heals me. He’d probably run a mile. Maybe I’m the stalker…

I hang back as everyone exits the class. Mattie throws a look at me and I force a smile at him. I’m getting better at pretending I think, because he beams brightly at me in response. Mason waits beside me.

“I know what you’re doin’,” he says as I put my notebook away as slow as a snail riding a tortoise.

“And what’s that?” I play dumb, placing my satchel across my body as the final student exits the classroom.

“Hangin’ back,” he says.

I smile. “Then why are you waitin’ for me?”

“‘Cause you don’t mind me being around you.”

I more than don’t mind, Mason Gold. God only knows why.

“Maybe you’re right,” I say as we move towards the exit.

We walk slowly along the corridor until it’s just us left in it. We’ll probably be late for class now. I retrieve my timetable and check what’s next.

“Biology,” Mason says, taking the timetable out of my hands.

I look up at him questioningly but, before I meet his gaze, he wraps his arms around me. My breath quickens in surprise. His hands clutch my shoulder blades firmly, drawing me to him. I go slack in his arms and slide my hands around his shoulders. He presses his chin to the side of my neck, holding me to him in every possible way. I feel like I’m being held together by his strong form. I completely relax and let my cheek rest against his warm shoulder.

I’m filled with that glorious feeling I get when I wake early on a Saturday and realise I can lay in as long as I like, burying myself in the bed covers.

He releases me and I feel a little shaky.

“What was that for?” I ask.

“Thought you needed a hug,” he says with a shrug.

I look away then we start walking to class once more. I could’ve stayed in his arms all day. I wish I could. Is that strange? Yes, I think it’s very strange. But I don’t care.

Biology goes smoothly. I sit between Mason and Eliza. Eliza is happy and chatty as usual. I let her words wash over me and respond at the right moments, though I’m more focused on Mason’s presence on the other side of me.

We learn about the composition of the heart in biology. People always talk about heartache and broken hearts but it’s just a muscle that pumps blood around your body. Those terms are referring to something else. I don’t know what though.

Our teacher says we’ll be dissecting hearts next week. I can’t say I’m looking forward to that at all.

Lunchtime comes around and we all sit in the same places as the previous day. It seems that Mason is well and truly part of our group now. He looks at me across the table and I get momentarily lost in his eyes. It’s like his presence heals me a little. It’s addictive.

Okay, brown paper bag round two. I pull it out of my satchel. Why didn’t I mention the no meat thing to Bobby? Oh yeah, because he’s the biggest carnivore in town, that’s why. I open my sandwich. Hey, corned beef. What a surprise. I don’t like to waste food. I decide to throw it to the ducks at the lake. Bobby Briar’s Beefy Bread. They ain’t gonna complain about that.

Mason’s salad comes sailing towards me.

“Why do you keep givin’ her your salads?” Maylene asks him with a pout. I notice that she’s recently applied lipgloss.

“Because she won’t eat anythin’ else,” Mason states like it’s obvious.

This is true.

“How do you know? You didn’t ask her,” Maylene says. I can see she’s trying to hide her irritation. I think she might be jealous. I want to tell her there’s nothing romantic between us. Maybe I will later.

I open Mason’s salad and tuck in.

I can sense Mattie frowning at me and look up at him, sucking in a lettuce leaf that is caught on my lip.

“You okay, Mattie?” I ask.

“You’re behavin’ all crazy since you got back,” he says quietly whilst the others talk about the rodeo again.

I can feel Mason’s eyes on me and hear Maylene dropping loud hints about wanting a date to the rodeo.

“It’s just a salad,” I say through a mouthful.

“It’s his salad.” He nods his head towards Mason and looks at me with a furrowed brow. Is he angry?

I shrug. Maybe I should feel bad. Mason’s gone without lunch twice now. Na, he’ll get over it. I take another mouthful.

When I’m finished the salad pot Eliza jumps up and grabs my arm. “Come to the restroom with me?”

It’s not a request.

I get up and follow her to the restroom. She puts her bag down beside the sandstone sink and retrieves a strawberry-coloured lipstick from her bag. She leans over, looking in the mirror, and starts to apply it.

“You’re totally diggin’ on Mason,” she says.

This is the Eliza Beth I know well. She loves a good gossip.

“I’m really not,” I say, looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t look like I used to in this mirror. I was all makeup and hairspray now I’m all cheekbones and freckles. I prefer this look.

Eliza holds out her lipstick to me when she’s done. I shy away from it.

She frowns at me. “You really have changed Reilly. Not in a bad way, you’re maturer or somethin’.”

I shrug. I dunno about mature. Is that how people see me now? I would have thought the word broken was more fitting.

“You can tell me if you like him, you know. I am your best friend after all.”

She is. Or was. I used to tell her everything.

I smile as realistically as I can. “I’m really not crushin’ on him, Liza. He just gets me or somethin’.”

“So you’re okay with Maylene askin’ him to the rodeo?”

I nod. “I really am.” And I mean it. Rodeo away Maylene. Ride Mason like a mustang at the rodeo for all I care. It’s funny that I see him as a mustang. He does have a certain freedom about him that I like. It reminds me of the halfway point at the lake.

Eliza Beth flashes a perfect, white-toothed smile at me. She’s really pretty. Her hair is pulled into pigtails today like a proper, small-town gal. She hugs me.

“Oh, thanks Liza,” I say, taken by surprise. Human contact is something I’ve gone without for some time now. I don’t mind when Mason touches me though. I wonder why?

She pulls away and gives me a you’ve-been-through-so-much look. I know it well.

“Reilly…” she trails off.

I realise she is about to give me the same talk as Mattie did. I’ll save her the guilt. “You and Mattie are great together.”

She looks like she might cry. Please don’t cry. I might cry. Then we’ll both be crying. I think she can sense my fear because she blinks repeatedly to keep the tears from falling.

I give her a half smile then she leads the way out of the restroom. We sit back at the table to find everyone still talking about the Rodeo.

“So, do you wanna go with me Mason?” Maylene asks, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

He looks surprised. He turns and raises an eyebrow at me. Is he asking my permission? He’s so strange. I shrug slightly and he turns back to Maylene.

“Sure,” Mason says with a smile.

Maylene smiles brightly.

I’m definitely okay with this. My feelings are locked away somewhere inside of me. I’m still switching between numb and pain. Numb is my favourite. Numb is present right now.

Eliza is looking over at Mattie keenly. Her gaze flicks to mine briefly then back to his. Must I okay everyone’s relationships today? I nod at her and lean back slightly so she can talk to Mattie more easily.

“Rodeo?” is all she says.

Mattie glances at me then nods.

Thank the lord that’s dealt with. Oh, was I feeling awkward? Hello awkward you’ve returned to me, did you bring my friend happy? No, awkward didn’t bring happy. But it’s a start.

The lunch bell rings and we all get up. I put the salad pot in the bin and turn back to my friends. Mattie is walking out of the room with Eliza, holding her hand. CJ and Maylene are walking away but Maylene is looking back. At what? Oh, Mason. He’s waiting for me. He’s smiling. He has a nice smile, he has tiny dimples.

I don’t feel bad about Maylene, though I probably ought to. Mason knows what I need, that’s all. Salad and hugs.

I walk beside Mason and retrieve the timetable from my bag.

“What’ve you got?” Mason asks.

I scan down the list. “Religious Studies.”

“Me too. We should sit together.”

Yes we should. This is becoming a routine now. I nod and a little smile pulls at my lips. An actual, natural smile, those are rare. Only he and Bobby have managed them so far.

We enter the classroom a while later and sit together at the back. The tables are paired in twos so no one can join us. CJ and Maylene sit in front of us and Mattie and Eliza in front of them.

Mrs Pickhurst is an ancient women. Her face has enough spare skin to cover three other faces at least.

She writes on the chalkboard at the head of the room. The other teachers have whiteboards but Mrs Pickhurst is stuck in her ways. She writes the words life after death on the board.

My entire body tenses. This is not a subject I want to be thinking about right now.

Mrs Pickhurst surveys the room and her eyes find mine. “Ah, Miss Montiel. Welcome back. I was so sad to hear of your parents passin’.”

All eyes in the room turn to me. “Thank you Mrs Pickhurst,” I mumble as I sink lower in my seat. Thank you very much for making me the class freak.

Mason stands and walks up to Mrs Pickhurst. I frown in confusion. The rest of the class follow him with their eyes, leaving me free from their stares. I sigh with relief.

Mason holds out his hand to her. “I’m Mason Gold. I just joined Willow High, thought I’d introduce myself, ma’am.”

She shakes it politely. “Well aren’t you an angel’? I’m sure you’ll settle in very well here.” He turns and walks back towards me with a grin on his face.

She returns to her blackboard, picking up a bible and leafing through it. Mason sinks into his seat beside me.

“You did that on purpose,” I state.

“Did I?” he says airily.

I shake my head slowly at him, bemused. Bemused – is that an emotion?

Despite Mason taking the attention off of me, it doesn’t stop Mrs Pickhurst from quickly getting onto the subject of life after death.

She reads a passage aloud in a dramatic voice that makes the excess skin on her chin wobble as she speaks. “Many of those who sleep in the dust of the ground will awake, these to everlastin‘ life, but the others to disgrace and everlastin‘ contempt.” She pauses for effect.

Would my parents be worthy of everlasting life or are they cursed with everlasting contempt? Life surely. They were good people. Am I a good person? Who decides that? What may be seen as good by one person may not by another. I suppose God’s the judge of that.

“Please start by writin’ down what you imagine the afterlife to be. You can focus on the good, the bad or both. Then I’ll ask some of you to read out your answers,” Mrs Pickhurst says.

Oh, great. An exercise I have to participate in about death. Thanks again Mrs Pickhurst.

The class breaks out into hushed chatter as they begin the task.

“You don’t have to do it,” Mason says, glancing over at me.

I shrug at him then retrieve the notepad and pen from my bag. I know I don’t have to do it. But I will.

His pen hovers above his own page. I wonder what Mason thinks about an afterlife? Maybe he doesn’t believe there is one. I’m not sure I do.

Mason scribbles something down. I’m curious and can’t help leaning towards his page.

He pushes it in front of me so I can read it.

It says quit cheating. I laugh, caught off guard.

He grins and pulls the page away.

I spot Mattie throwing a glance back at us. Have I upset him? I’m not sure what to do about it if I have. I can barely keep myself together at the moment. I wouldn’t know how to reach out to him right now.

I return to the task at hand.

“Do you believe in God, Mason? Or in an afterlife? Does one imply the other?” I feel lost. Beliefs are hard enough as it is without having my parents deaths hovering on the edge of my mind. All the questions I’ve asked myself over the past months about this very thing flood back to me.

“I dunno. I don’t think there’s one right answer. But I think, maybe, we’re all here for a reason.”

“You believe in fate?” I ask, intrigued, thinking of Romeo and Juliet again.

“I do,” he says with conviction.

I wish I had that much conviction in a belief. I shake my head. “Why?”

He fiddles with his pen then peers up at me under his dark eyelashes. “I believe that it’s fate I met you, just when you need me most.”

His words make my skin tingle strangely. “How do you know I need you?” I whisper.

“Time’s up,” Mrs Pickhurst calls out, clapping her hands together. She has several gold rings on her fingers that tap together as her palms meet. “Who wants to go first?”

Crap, I’ve written nothing. I see Mrs Pickhurst eyeing me eagerly.

“I will,” Mason says. My saviour again.

I can see his page is still empty apart from the two words he wrote for me.

“Very well, Mr Gold. Stand up,” she says.

Mason stands and lifts the paper, pretending to read words from it. All eyes turn to him once more. Maylene looks like she might melt just from looking at him.

“I think, whether there’s an afterlife or not, our loved ones never truly leave us when they die.” He clears his throat and gazes down at me. “They’ll always be a part of every thought, every choice and every special moment you’ll ever participate in for the rest of your life. We’re forever touched by the time we spent with them and the things they taught us and I think that is, in a way, an afterlife.”

Mason returns to his seat.

My cheeks are wet. Oh no. Pain is back. Mason’s eyes widen as he looks at me then moves his hand towards mine, pushing his pen off of the table as he does so. I take the opportunity to retrieve it, giving me time to hide my face.

When I return upright Maylene is gazing at Mason like she might marry him here in the classroom.

Mrs Pickhurst exhales slowly through her nose. “Very good, Mr Gold. Who would like to go next?”

No one wants to follow Mason. His words have changed the tone of the room.

Mrs Pickhurst picks on Eliza who stands and mumbles something about hell and bad people. I’m not really listening. I’m looking at Mason and he’s looking at me. It’s like he’s spoken the words for my ears only. They’re so comforting it hurts. And although I feel in pain again it’s more of letting something go rather than holding on. I can’t quite describe but I know letting go is the answer, even if it does hurt like hell.

I sigh and let the pain leave my body. If anyone else had spoken perhaps I would’ve felt they were out of line but it’s Mason. He’s different. He’s helped me discard all the confusion about my beliefs and made me understand. It doesn’t matter if there’s an afterlife or not, I can’t know either way until I die. But I can know that my parents will live on through me whilst I’m alive and that’s something.

“Thanks,” I mouth to Mason.

He nods and smiles. How does he know what I’m thanking him for? Does he know how much he’s helped me with his words? I think he does.

Mrs Pickhurst chooses a few more people to read out their work. Nothing is so touching as Mason’s. He’s outshone them all and he didn’t even have it written down.

“Now I’d like to share with you all a short video about a woman who found her faith after her husband was killed in a car accident.”

She pulls a sorrowful face then walks over to a television screen. Mattie jumps up to move it into the centre of the room. Mrs Pickhurst turns off the lights so my vision is filled solely by the glaring static on the rectangular screen.

I don’t wanna watch this film. I know that with every fibre of my being. This is too close to home. Is Mrs Pickhurst doing this to me on purpose?

I fidget wildly in my seat. Mason lays a hand on my arm and I still. I don’t look at him but take a deep inhale through my nose and hold it in.

The video starts and a woman talks about the accident. My lungs ache as I hold the breath. There are photos of the mangled car wreckage. This is too much. I think of my parents, hurtling towards their deaths in the airplane. Their bodies were crushed on impact just like this man’s was in the car. My heartbeat begins to quicken and my palms sweat. I let out the breath at last and my lips shake as I expel it.

The woman on the television is crying now. I want to leave the room but I don’t want to cause a scene, they’ll all pity the orphan girl her weakness.

Mason puts his hand lightly on my back and I let him pull me under his arm so my face is pressed against his shirt. This is what a baby bird must feel like under its mother’s wing. The darkness is instantly comforting. He smells like soap and fresh linen.

I forget about the film. I’m safe here, no matter how strange this is. And this is truly strange, I don’t know this guy but I refuse to care. Is not caring an emotion? No, I think that’s a lack of emotion.

Mason releases me and I spring back upright just before Mrs Pickhurst turns the lights back on. Maylene swings around like she’s trying to catch us at something. I gaze innocently back at her and she smiles warmly.

I breath slowly in and out. I glance at Mason and notice our chests are rising and falling in unison.

Mrs Pickhurst reads more passages from the bible and discusses why the woman in the film found comfort in God. I only half-listen. I find myself glancing at Mason repeatedly. He’s looking attentively at the teacher so I have a chance to study his face. His jaw is square and the dark stubble on it runs down it in straight lines. His brow juts out slightly over his eyes, shadowing them. His hair shines in the stark light of the room. It’s pushed back the way most of the guys wear theirs in Angel’s Rest but it’s not overly long. The style is such so a stetson can sit atop their heads. I haven’t seen Mason wear one. I think it would suit him though.

I’m staring. He turns and grins at me like he knows what I’m up to. He probably does. Maybe he’s a mind reader. Maybe the next time I see him he’ll be wearing a stetson and he’ll say “How do you do?“ like the guys at the rodeo.

I smile at the thought.

“What are you smilin’ about?” he whispers out of one side of his mouth.

Perhaps he isn’t a mind reader.

I mime zipping my lip. The image of him in a cowboy hat will remain firmly locked inside my head.

He rolls his eyes but continues to smile.

The lesson ends and I’ve survived. I’ve made it past lunch but that last class has taken its toll on me, I want to go for a run. I check my timetable as I walk beside Mason down the corridor.

Maylene is waiting for us at the corner. She links an arm through mine and falls in to step with us.

I have double gym next. No thanks. I’ll do my own exercise by the lake.

“What are you guys talkin’ ’bout?” Maylene asks.

We hadn’t been talking so I shrug.

“Reilly is gonna go home,” Mason tells her.

How does he know this?

I nod.

Maylene can’t hide her delight.

“See you tomorrow,” I say to them both as I unlink my arm from Maylene’s and take the route towards reception.

She seizes the opportunity to link her free arm with Mason’s. He smiles at me and Maylene waves as I leave.

The receptionist calls to me but her voice fades away as I exit the building. And I’m free once more.